So, I am not sure yet how to manage the settings on this blog, in order to make it private, and therefore completely un censor my thoughts.  Because I know that I am sending this into the universe for people to read, I may not be as candid.   Today was a day full of highs and lows.  Got an award letter from the college I am attending today, and got excited knowing that of the almost 13,000 I have borrowed, I only get about a thousand of it.  I want to remain optimistic, and take into consideration the fact that I am getting an education, and ultimately a degree.  I am trying so hard to be a good mommy to you my son, and I feel like I am letting you down in so many ways.  I am sitting here, watching you sleep thinking about how lucky I am to have an amazing son like you.  I am so blessed to be your mommy, I just question whether I deserve such a gift from God, and I pray that He can help me be the mother that you deserve. 

First entry

Well, this is the official first entry of my new blog.  Don't need anything fancy, just a place to record my thoughts, so that I can reflect  on them later.  I always have so much in my mind, I love the idea of being able to get these thoughts out of my head, and on to "paper" so to speak...lol.  I will be talking to you a lot in this blog, Xavier.  There are so many things I want to tell you, but you are still too young to hear them, and for now, I am trying so hard to protect you from the truth to shelter you from the pain I know you will inevitably feel one day due to the utter failure of your father.  Until then, it is 5:30 in the morning, and I don't know what the heck I am even doing awake.(probably too much on my mind, which is the whole point of this blog)  Hopefully this will be a daily vent session for me, and something I can share with you my son, when you are old enough to understand.  Until then, good night, or good morning...lol