So, I am not sure yet how to manage the settings on this blog, in order to make it private, and therefore completely un censor my thoughts.  Because I know that I am sending this into the universe for people to read, I may not be as candid.   Today was a day full of highs and lows.  Got an award letter from the college I am attending today, and got excited knowing that of the almost 13,000 I have borrowed, I only get about a thousand of it.  I want to remain optimistic, and take into consideration the fact that I am getting an education, and ultimately a degree.  I am trying so hard to be a good mommy to you my son, and I feel like I am letting you down in so many ways.  I am sitting here, watching you sleep thinking about how lucky I am to have an amazing son like you.  I am so blessed to be your mommy, I just question whether I deserve such a gift from God, and I pray that He can help me be the mother that you deserve.